Chapter 2

 

Time for Change 

I'm a big believer in change should start within, and to be honest if you're in denial of anything needing to change then you're only kidding yourself.

Those around you always see it first, as you may display certain traits or characteristics that may be negative, that being said sometimes it does take someone who knows you to tell you this needs to change.

Me…I'm a doubter. I doubt myself and people I'm not sure of, other people's intentions towards you. I'm paranoid about why people treat you the way they do and why someone would want to treat you badly or indifferent to others.

When someone treats me kindly, subconsciously I'm trying to work out what their ulterior motive is, their modus operandi. I don't mean to do it but, when someone you love, says or does something to question your narrative on your relationship, it makes you question everything else about your life and how you perceive that person. Why can't they just be honest and open, with how they feel and think because when you do that there is no doubt in others minds on how you feel about situations and scenarios that may occur.

Please believe me when I say, it can be true of most people, that when you have been raised in a bubble, and your view is somewhat tainted then your bubble bursts, it's like a sensory overload! You cannot control all the information that pours in and you become overwhelmed as you haven’t been shown how to deal with it all.

A friend said to me, well what are you going to do? Are you going to curl up and die or are you going to face the problem head on, find a way to deal, if you are scared of heights, climb a ladder, and do it until it no longer feels uncomfortable.

So true, but taking that first leap is always difficult and depending on the task, how difficult it is, and how I will feel afterwards, elated or broken, what if I fail. Fight or flight.

But what if I succeed, then that first step that needs to be taken has been and then thinking about how I move forward with one completed challenge under my belt.

Many wars have been fought over possession or finances, but I only fight for love and family, the most important things. The only thing is when you are faced with a situation where you are fighting for something that really isn't worthy of you, then you need to know when to take off your armour and drop your sword.  This fight isn't worth fighting, the only thing worth fighting for is you, the love that you have around you and the people that really care about you. These people are the ones who will help find what it is…that magic that oh so simple thing that will and can make you truly happy.

Finding that magic is a journey on its own. Digging deep into what kind of life or legacy you want to leave behind and being proud of what you have achieved. So your family knows that you are afraid of nothing and no one, fighting for yourself as hard as you fight for them. Making them realise that this is the only life that they have and to grasp it with both hands and accept all the challenges that it throws and laugh in its face as they accomplish everything they set their mind to.

I'm starting to believe in myself slowly but surely, I'm creeping about in a little self-belief but I can see a little light that is letting me know it's all going to be ok .