Chapter 3

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Let the show begin



So after a week of posting my professional photos, my confidence in how I look and feel is growing but I still have a little doubt and self criticism.


My attitude towards myself has changed. Now I can see what needs to be improved, and what I can live with. As time goes on, I can change these small annoyances that are getting me down and sowing the seeds of doubt. It does not help when every other factor in your life seems to be battling against you, every step of the way.  I just want to have a life that I can be proud of and not have people judge me as if I was beholden to them. As if I owe them something, when all they need to do is get up off their arse and do what they enjoy, do it without having people tell them it's not for you!  Who needs that in their life…why do people feel like they need to involve themselves in others lives when they’re not welcome?  How am I meant to grow as an individual if I listen to the doubters and the sour pusses that don't want to see me achieve as if it was to make their life more difficult, if I was to succeed. And I want to succeed, I want to do more exciting things with my life and have all these experiences and adventures, why not!?!


I've had so many requests to join teams as an ambassador for their products and my portfolio has been submitted for modelling and commercials. This has made it so that I am not doubting myself anymore there will be enough people out there to do that for me. I need to focus on making this work for me and my family. I want them to be proud, to see me as an example of how they too can do what they dream of and believe they can achieve what they set out to do.


I must say though,  that I need to get organised and put more effort into promoting my brand, and at least look like I know what I’m doing, even though I may be screaming inside.


I’m finding it hard to keep focused, as my performance at work also needs to improve but I think about that while at work. I don't tend to bring it home with me, work stays at work, home is where I can concentrate on the things that make me happy and make my brain smile, yes my brain can smile, because when it is active, I’m happy although it does have a knock on effect as it can sometimes be overactive and  this keeps sleep away.

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